Men, Porn, & the Mind/Body Connection
Below are real quotes from real men.
And what these statements say is that despite most men not having conscious awareness of the mind/body connection, it’s VERY MUCH there.
“If she’s not into it, I can’t stay hard.”
“When I stopped watching porn and got off dating apps, I started relating to women differently. Rather than noticing her body, I’m more attracted to a smile or her essence.”
“When I watch porn, I like the amateur stuff. You can tell it’s a real reaction, not a performance.”
“Why do I like BDSM? What do you think it means about me?”
“I’ve looked for porn that has a woman who likes you in it.”
There’s a level of authentic desire and relating each of these men seek in various ways, and an emotional sensitivity that creates an arousal, or lack thereof.
In my personal experience, men are actually highly sensitive creatures who haven’t been given the space or tools to experience and express themselves deeper than the way they look, the job they have, the amount of money in their bank account, and because of porn: the size of their 🍆.
But the above comments show this deep desire for intimacy, connection, understanding, and a sensitivity to authentic relating without the current safety and know-how to put it into practice with the women they truly desire to.
So where do you begin?
First, understand that porn diminishes your ability to create connections because you’re continually watching a screen encouraging sexual objectification rather than being present and exploring with someone face-to-face.
And it’s designed to feed the addiction of wanting more while never actually satisfying the underlying desire of intimacy and connection.
It feels safe, but keeps you away from knowing yourself and others because it’s a form of escapism that doesn’t require self-inquiry deeper than “what will give me the next dopamine hit?”.
So there will continue to be a lack of depth in the way you relate to women.
I suggest checking in with how you’re feeling when you get the urge to watch. And be really honest with yourself.
“Horny.”
Sure.
But I encourage you to dig a little deeper. Find the courage to be brutally honest with yourself.
Underneath that, are you feeling lonely? Unworthy? Sad? Like a failure?
And then ask how porn is going to make how you’re currently feeling, better, long-term?
It probably won’t.
So check in and see if there’s something else that might.
This simple act of checking in before you reach for the same mechanism that is keeping you stuck will start to strengthen the mind-body connection.
Start within, with you, first.
And with that practice, it naturally begins to extend into relational intimacy with others.
