Invitations from the Unknown
Why We Hold Onto Patterns
Sometimes, we cling to what’s familiar because the unknown feels terrifying.
But when we trust the winds of change, we invite transformation to unfold in the most beautiful ways.
It was May 2023, and I found myself standing at a crossroads: I could go back to what I’d always known—the place that came with seven long months of winter, the cold seeping into my bones, and the masculine force that seemed to dictate everything I did.
Or I could listen to that voice deep within, calling me to leave it all behind and embrace the warmth, creativity, and freedom that awaited me somewhere else. Somewhere I’d feel expansive, vibrant, youthful—like I was finally coming home to myself.
Looking back, the decision seems like a no-brainer, right?
But when you're in it, the unknown can feel terrifying, even if everything in your heart is telling you it’s the right move.
We often cling to the familiar—old habits, old relationships, old versions of ourselves—because they feel safe. But what if that perceived safety is actually stifling your growth?
(Hint: it is.)
I could have stayed in Upstate New York, where I had built a community I love, with the familiar landscape I cherish. I could have stayed because it was easier logistically, because my way of living, being, and working was practiced and known, even if it no longer aligned with who I was becoming. People had their reasons for telling me not to go: moving to an island is too hard, housing is impossible to find, it's expensive, it’s far away, isn't where you are good enough?
But I had my own reasons for choosing to leave.
Rather than letting fear steer my ship, I let my heart decide. My heart was curious. My heart was excited. My heart wanted to sing. And I knew I was ready to embrace the upgrade that awaited in body, mind, energy, soul, work, and relationships.
"How do you know you’re not running away again?” someone asked me.
I paused, smiled, and said,
“Because this decision feels like I’m running directly into myself.”
Letting go of what’s familiar often leads you straight into who you’re meant to become.
If I’d stayed in my comfort zone, I wouldn’t have ended an abusive relationship, moved to Hawaii, choreographed a full-length musical theater show, or become the artistic director of a dance school.
I wouldn’t have trusted the process so deeply or broken so many cycles. I wouldn’t have met the men who played pivotal roles in my healing—one who helped me embrace my messy self, unapologetically (hello Messy Sexy Life rebrand!) and another who’s showing me what love can be when it's gentle, patient, and kind.
Most importantly, I wouldn’t have met the version of me who is learning to love herself into wholeness the way I am now.
Of course, some of these things might have happened eventually, but at a slower pace. And that’s the beauty of choosing the unknown—it accelerates your growth, invites in the new, and helps you reclaim your power.
So, here’s the question:
Now that you’ve been set free, and so much of the life you’ve built has been cleared, will you use this as an opportunity to go big, or stay in the comfort of what’s known?
Will you keep choosing what’s familiar and “safe” or answer the call of the winds of change?
